Tried And Tested Tips For Good Parenting
Author: Dr. Shinjini Sarana, the author of this blog, is a 56 year old mother of a military doctor, educator for more than 25 years, a wife for 30 years and a Ph.D holder from an eminent research institute. At present working as manager in PCTI giving voice overs, designing videos and writing blogs.
After giving birth to a girl child, the universe around me changed and my focus shifted to balancing my budding research career in Birbal Sahni Institute of Palaeobotany as Junior Research Fellow along with playing the role of mother and wife at the same time. I would also like to share that from the very beginning the idea of bringing up a child excited me; I felt that it would be wonderful if I could mould a young mind to make him/her a worthy human in the world.
Have time in hand before you think of bringing up a child in this world:
Married to a teacher made it a little easier for me to handle a demanding job of a research scholar as his working hours was not intense. So first thing that I would like to suggest to young couple who are thinking of bringing a child in this world is one of the parent should have time in hand to look after the kid as bringing up solely on the basis of a nanny or a help is not a very good idea. However parenting and its methods vary from family to family and there is no foolproof method to parent a child so that the child becomes successful as the term ‘success’ has different connotations for different people.
Trust and respect your child as you would do to adults
I think each child by birth possess this innate quality of observing, grasping with intense absorption power, so respect and trust are two ingredients that each parent should practice. Never think that he or she is just a child and will not understand, as they understand and absorb everything around them.
Empower them with the power of sharing, caring and tolerating
Today lot of people would say why my child should learn tolerance. If someone says something, my child should be bold enough to give a smart answer. My friend I would like to ask such people, have they not heard of the famous proverb “It is better to lose an argument and win a friend rather than win an argument and loose a friend” cause I truly believe that if you are right then why argue and if you are wrong then there is no point arguing anyways.
Argument is never nice or healthy in building a relationship and to be successful as well as to be happy in the long run. The child should know the value of maintaining a relationship or else the child may turn into a money-minting machine.
It is good to be smart and bold but depending upon the situation and the person we are conversing with, it should be handled with intelligence. This will be definitely grabbed by the child when we as parents behave ourselves and set an example for our child.
Be a sample to your child
You can never teach the child to respect you if you do not respect your parent in your house. The way you behave towards your parents or in-laws will teach them how they are going to behave with you when you grow old. So be very cautious, how you think, say or behave in front of the child. So my suggestion is all the differences, if you have any, with any of your family members should be resolved as quickly as possible because that is what the child will learn. Resolving issues as quickly as possible will form a firm step towards being successful in life.
You can never make the child learn not to speak lies if you yourself speak lies. In the same way, you can never make the child learn not to watch the TV or use the mobile for long hours if you yourself do not follow the same.
Be their friend not parent
My father-in-law has always followed the old school of thought of being a strict disciplinarian. So he used to object to my ways of bringing up my child. But, today I could proudly say that the method I adopted of becoming a friend rather than a strict disciplinarian paid off.
Make them independent
Indian mothers especially become so overwhelmed with their child that the mere idea that the child will grow and leave the house itself makes the mother become emotional and so was the situation with me when my only daughter was ready to leave the home for her further studies. However, with passage of time, I realized that as a parent, my duty is to just bring up the child and empower her with my positive thoughts towards the world and of course, people at large and thereby strengthening her wings so that she gets ready to leave the nest to soar high up in the sky.
Teach them to be collaborative
Whether you are a parent of low income bracket or high income bracket, teaching the child to be collaborative is very important for developing respect for all the household chores that you do or your help does for making them more comfortable with such chores. It will help the child to be more confident toward handling situations that may arise in her/his life and in this way he/she will tide over all such situations with ease.
Make them identify the “why“ behind everything they are doing
When we ask “WHY” for each decision that we make each day; we will never make a wrong decision because the intention has been good and we are aware of that intention. This is exactly what your child should learn, how to ask “why” for each decision and realize the intention behind the decision that he/she is taking. When this will happen, then even if the outcome does not come the way it was planned, the child will have more guts and grit to make the decision work.
Always inculcate sporting spirit in your child
The best ways to make your child disciplined and inculcate sporting spirit is by making them learn one game in their life. Game can be indoor or outdoor but the awareness that one cannot win all the time is very important. If one knows how to take failure with a smile, then success will never overpower you.
All parents have their limitations and in this field, I think tremendous improvement was needed in my parenting. So what I would like to point out here is how you bring your child is your decision solely but make sure that you enjoy the process.
Conclusion
Good parenting is very important in today’s unprecedented condition where all that is happening has happened never before. Yes I am talking about Covid-19 pandemic; where a wave of fear has wrapped the world. So, as parent, our first and foremost duty is to first become fearless ourselves, and believe in the fact that whatever happens, happens for good. The reason, for saying so, is that the thoughts that we create spread as vibrations that have a direct impact on our child.
When my child was about to face a tough competitive exam, I was careful enough not to create the thoughts of doubt for her and resultantly it empowered her immensely. Moreover, it helped her to believe in herself and she did what she had planned.
Situation comes and situation goes just to make us more powerful. We have to keep on learning from each situation that confronts us; hence imbibing more peace and acceptance towards situations and people, and finding out the best possible solution in tough situations.
Author: Dr. Shinjini Sarana